Work goodbyes and baby planning

I started the week knowing that I was free of Cafe work for my remaining 5.5 weeks in Scotland. What a great feeling! The last couple weeks went at a hectic pace, and I was glad to be saying goodbye for that reason. Today I went in to pick up my wages and found the place packed and my co-workers stressed. Part of me wished I could help them. Most of me was glad I could leave.

During Nora's nap, I continued researching possibilities for doctors in Tennessee. I found one that looked really promising -reported to be a Christian and offers VBACs -but when I called a bit ago I found out he doesn't accept the insurance I'll have. I was disappointed. Having a C. doctor would be very reassuring. Thankfully, the overall feeling I was left with after looking online today was peace that God is in control and I'm not. I was struck looking over different parenting/ expectant mothers posting boards how much women agonize over the C-section vs. VBAC dilemma -feeling like a failure if they have to have a repeat C-section and their own hero if they have a VBAC. I can understand that feeling, but really am struck at the futility of worrying in advance, beating yourself up if your birth doesn't "go as planned" or boasting in an ideal experience. I pray for a healthy baby. I also pray for a good birth experience, but ultimately, I define that as resulting in a healthy baby. All that to say, I plan to keep doing what I can from Scotland, but feel so helpless in lining things up from here that I really just keep coming back to the realization that I need to lean on God to direct my steps. And that gives me hope and peace.